THE POOL
Year:
2002
Rated:
R
Run Heyday:
92 minutes
Production Gathering:
Artisan Home Entertainment
Director:
Boris von Sychowski
Starring:
T & A:
Ciao, Titty
My Ass:
Your Sheathe
"Put into place A Dip"
Conundrum me this you lazy American bastards. What do Belgium Waffles, French Fries, Mongolian Beef, and Colombian Crack have in Community? They are made with reference, dignity, and you lazy Americans will satisfy anything to have some funneled down your fat asses. Now, it shouldn?t take a European Uppercut* to make all you lazy gelatin filled homos to sit up straight and pay respects to a DEDICATED ODIUM SILENT PICTURE CLASSIS. This Award successful Imported Film** was in actuality the prime movie in history to describe Americans, and in particular American Girls, as the sluts, Spanish Cock craving whores that they are. The movie has numerous themes and dissimilar points of view, but install?s turn up it; the only real thing worth talking about is its true imputation on society. Spanish Men are the white women?s weight. The flicks revolves around a pool, a clean; European Purse not chestnut of those pissed filled American Trailer Trash pools. A bunch of white women free-for-all to admit their sexual appetite for their Spanish friends, all the while someone is profit them with funny water action. Now, you should realize that this moving picture has a kill count of upon 100, when you deputy in the conversion rate. You see it takes 10 ease out jaw red blooded American kills to equal one regal European extinguish. Wait?.respite?I hear something?.
E…U…… E…U……
E…U…… E…U……
E…U…… E…U……
E…U…… E…U……
Nothing counterpart a Real European Union Chant to communicate you blood accepted.
You energy be asking yourself, Why the hostility? Why The irritate? Ideal for two hanker, you pathetic Americans have robbed the Gargantuan European Empire of its rightful credit. Where would America be without its RODAN, GO-BOTS, BUSHWACKERS, and Crocodile Dundee? You?d be under a rock, suckling at the teat of disparity.
Now, if going to McDonalds and getting a McHandjob is your thing, then you shouldn?t rent this silver screen, matter your not all right enough you mournful American scum. But if you enjoy bowing down to the nobler ways of your European fathers, then this motion picture is for you.
*Developed by primitive barbican hordes, the European Uppercut is a combination of a Russian Sickle and a Japanese Chop.
**Winner of the ?We?re better than America? award for theatrical excellence.
-EL SANTO
Mr. Paul:
"Leave it to a goddamn mestizo to fuck things up."
Z-cover shackles:
"E.U.? E.U.? I'll E.U. in Pain, motherfucker."
El Santo:
"Rick Stiner wears a helmet because of a Noble Steven Resplendent European Uppercut."
I was approached by the father of a four year old this week, who demanded to know why Hollywood did not offer a single G-rated flick picture show to stir-crazed families over the long Christmas holiday. While I felt I didn?t deserve all the fix the responsibility upon, I also didn?t deceive a upstanding answer because of him. Studios are generally afraid that a G rating will drive away less-than-wholesome teenagers. On the other hand, a G-rating ensures a virtual monopoly. Neither myself, my fellow pre-teach father or our special four year olds would eat waited on the reviews to wake up in. The G would cause made the finding for us.
Now in the dead of January comes the unfledged film Hoodwinked. It?s not from Disney. It?s not from Pixar. It?s not from DreamWorks. It?s the animation appear of a man who made a destiny selling vodka. And while muscling into the trade in, maker Maurice Kanbar and creative team have clearly enjoyed themselves in the production of this movie. Both parents and children will unquestionably notice.
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Hoodwinked is not a G-rated film, yet the viewer be compelled torment his understanding to remember anything in the brisk 80 minutes that would have challenged the delicate sensibilities of anyone. The writer/director rig of Cory and Todd Edwards have captivated the classic fairy tale of Little Red Riding Hood and given it a satirical taste of both The Usual Suspects and Kurosawa. Let this not scare you or your youngest away. These guys also understand the simplest rule of kids fare: squirrels are always funny. They be disclosed the tall tale of No Red Riding Hood from four several perspectives: Red?s, Granny?s, The Wolf?s and The Hunter?s, which in to boot to being a clever thingumajig is also a nice little exercise in jurisprudence. If there was any jeopardy likely to be in foisting a non-linear multi-perspective story on children, my four and three quarter year dated had no complaints. And my two and a half year old certainly liked the squirrel.
For the much-older me, I appreciated Hoodwinked being sly without the snark. It has an creep without the dreaded attitude that often comes with it. If it steals from other work, it steals wisely. Twin the Simpsons. Which come to dream of it did an affair much go for Hoodwinked a few years back. Anne Hathaway voices a wise beyond her years Red, and perceptive supporting voiceover work comes from Glen Culmination, Patrick Warburton, David Ogden Stiers and Andy Dick as a grandmother, wolf, frog and rabbit respectively. I was also struck by the original music into the veil, which was principled grassland?nice. It was appropriate in the context of the fog and perhaps even something a young lady might download on his or her iPod in the cover of darkness.
As in support of the animation: the intricate nerd may notice that Hoodwinked does not escalate the secure, and in its replication of running incredible it evokes a more primitive epoch, dating back perhaps to the the second Clinton regulation. If that approachable of item gets in your way of appreciating the movie, you probably have more problems than the moving picture.
Hoodwinked is the best kids film over out there, and would be precise if it didn?t own a monopoly on the G or G-get off on market.
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Head Above Water (1996) is a remake of a 1993 Norwegian film of the same name, and belongs to my absolute favorite genre of film: the “black comedy”. I’ve never been one to shy away from a joke, even in the most inappropriate of situations (just ask my former teachers). Black comedies aren’t for everyone, as their basic purpose is to make light of things that normally demand a somber tone. This may not be your cup of tea, and that’s fine. However, in my book, laughter has always been the best medicine…no matter how sick the situation may be.
Coincidentally, the overall plot of Head Above Water would be pretty sick…if it was reported on the evening news. Basically, it involves a Judge (Harvey Keitel), his wife (Cameron Diaz), her former lover, Kent (Billy Zane), and a dead body (which may or may not be one of these three). With murder and infidelity at the forefront, it’s not exactly “family night” material we’re dealing with. As mentioned before, a successful black comedy transforms otherwise tragic events into situations designed to make the audience laugh, in spite of it all.
The problem? This isn’t a successful black comedy.
Don’t get me wrong…Head Above Water isn’t a total failure, but there’s far more “black” than “comedy.” The performances offer occasional hints of spirit and vigor, but I wouldn’t expect less from such a strong cast. Particularly good is the dependable Harvey Keitel (Taxi Driver, The Last Temptation of Christ), who milks his role for all it’s worth. Still, he’s not entirely believable as a guy who bagged Cameron Diaz (especially back in 1996, when she couldn’t be confused for Skeletor’s stunt double). Speaking of which, Diaz also performs well, having already proven her ability in The Last Supper (1995) and Feeling Minnesota (1996). Overall, there’s a credible amount of talent here, but the whole production still seems half-hearted and empty. In short, I’d recommend a dozen other black comedies before this one, hands down.
If there’s one thing I found interesting about the film, though, it’s the size of the cast. Like the original Norwegian film, there are only five characters in all, which makes for a very streamlined sense of interaction. As a remake, I can’t say for sure how close it is to the original in other areas, as I haven’t seen the 1993 film. Still, the cynic in me is reminded of the vast differences between the original and Americanized versions of films like The Vanishing and Insomnia: while the latter was an interesting adaptation, I can’t help but think we’re not getting the whole picture here. Even so, a remake should still be able to stand on its own feet, and Head Above Water really struggles as it goes on. While the brisk 93-minute running time passed quickly enough, this was a film that had an interesting start, but couldn’t quite keep things together.
Unfortunately, New Line’s DVD release of this film does very little to support it. While the technical presentation is a fine effort, there’s not much else to make this disc stand out among the crowd. In any case, let’s see how this one stacks up, shall we?
Importance Control Department
Video Presentation:
Head Above Water is presented with an excellent 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen transfer. The high quality of the video presentation is something of a trademark for New Line, as this movie looks great for its modest age. Colors are accurate and strong, and no major digital artifacts or edge enhancement were apparent. Overall, the video presentation was easily the disc’s highlight, and fans of the film will be very pleased with New Line’s superb efforts.
Audio Presentation:
Viewers are given two audio options: a Dolby Stereo 2.0 mix, and a slightly more impressive 5.1 Surround mix. Since this is a dialogue-driven movie, there’s not much surround activity to speak of, but it’s still a decent presentation. Dialogue, sound, and music were clear and strong, so that’s the best we can hope for. English and Spanish subtitles are also included.
Menu Design, Giving & Packaging:
The menu designs were somewhat generic, and it really looked like New Line was just going through the motions with this one. Although the layout is simple and the navigation smooth, the menu designs just didn’t fit the movie at all. As for the film’s presentation, the 93-minute running time is divided into 20 chapters, and no layer change was detected. Unfortunately, the packaging was not on hand for this screener disc, but I’m sure Cameron Diaz is featured prominently.
Perquisite Features:
Although the other departments weren’t bad overall, this DVD really took a turn for the worse in the extras department. Limited to the movie’s Trailer, as well as brief glimpses of other New Line releases, there’s not much to go through here. Also included is a negligible amount of DVD-Rom content, which is limited to a few related weblinks. Although the movie wasn’t anything special, I would have liked to hear an audio commentary or an interview with the cast and crew, as it may have helped to support the film in some way. However, since most of the guilty parties have moved on to bigger and better things, it’s no surprise the participation is lacking.
Final Thoughts
Although I really wanted to enjoy this film, Head Above Water just wasn’t involving enough to stay afloat. For a one-time viewing, though, it did have a few decent moments, as well as several interesting performances. Still, the heights of the “black comedy” genre are well above this film, and that really hurts it in the long run. Additionally, the DVD from New Line doesn’t offer much other than a decent technical presentation, and the movie just isn’t strong enough to warrant a blind buy. If you’re really curious to check this one out, I’d suggest a rental at best. However, most true fans of the genre would do better by looking elsewhere. Skip It.
Lustful Miller III is an art instructor and gallery assistant based in Harrisburg, PA, who also enjoys freelance graphic design and instance. When he’s not doing that, he enjoys slacking off, general debauchery, and writing things in third person.
Agree? Dissent? You can post your thoughts about this review on the DVD Talk forums.
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Can it in the end have been fifteen years since the première of “Edward Scissorhands”? Must be, as Fox has just released the Fifteenth Anniversary Edition of the 1990 movie. Maybe it’s because director Tim Burton and star Johnny Depp are still working together, creating weird fantasies with strange characters (”Charlie and the Chocolate Factory”) that it seems like alone yesterday they started.
So, here’s “Scissorhands” back again, rarely changed from its first and second appearances on DVD. Fox have included the pair of commentary tracks from the Special Edition, but the late-model invest in is not the full, two-disc deluxe treatment that its fans had been hoping object of.
At any time since I commencement saw a Tim Burton obscure, “Beetlejuice” (I missed “Pee-Wee’s Brobdingnagian Adventure” the basic time around), I’ve longed to see him do Humperdinck’s opera “Hansel und Gretel.” He did an at daybreak TV version of the Grimm brothers’ fibre on the Disney Channel, but with Burton’s imagination and the opera’s combination of mellow beauty and spooky darkness, it would seem a natural for Hollywood’s wunderkind of fairy-tale cinema. Anyway, I was reminded of it again while watching “Edward Scissorhands,” Burton’s surreal, semisweet invention. “Scissorhands” attempts to be a modern fable and contains flashes of creative power beyond the clutch of most insipid Hollywood filmmakers. But the motion picture has more than its honest share of misses, too, making it for me a near damsel. Perchance with an established story like “Hansel und Gretel,” Burton wouldn’t have to rely so much on worrisome to analyse his ingenuity; he could just go out like a light and do it.
I loved the first ten minutes of “Edward Scissorhands” and the last three or four minutes, too. It’s what comes in between that left me unmoved. Edward (Johnny Depp) is the product of an eccentric inventor (Vincent Price), who died before he could finish his creation. Edward has only scissors, shears really, in the interest hands and lives alone in his creator’s mansion squiffed on a hill. The crumbling old hall itself is a brilliant design, both eerie and sinister on the one hand and good-looking and alluring on the other. If one had two hands. One day a kindly Avon lady, Hook ready-made Boggs (Dianne Wiest), calls on the digs, finds Edward cowering in a corner, and brings him home to suburbia with her to live with her family–soft-pedal Bill (Alan Arkin), teenage daughter Kim (Winona Ryder), and young son.
Inevitably, the easygoing Edward finds his new life at first taxing. Suited for instance, a person with long, alertly, pointy objects for fingers should be attentive sleeping in a water bed. And Edward speedily develops a noticeable, notwithstanding concealed, romantic interest in search the daughter. But he presently adjusts to suburban life, if not to the fantasy. In the past long he is manicuring the local thicket, also the county dogs, and finally the local housewives’ hair. Then, after almost two-thirds of the film have been enthusiastic to explanation, the plot shifts to catastrophe as Edward predictably gets into trouble for being too peculiar and too nice. The climax, involving Kim’s green-eyed, cloddish boyfriend, Jim (Anthony Michael Hall), is violent and jarring and wreaks shambles with the gentle comedic tone of just about the entirety that went before.
Like all good fairy-tale fables, this only has a righteous. People who are different are going to have a stubborn time in this world. It’s a foolproof moral an eye to about anybody to relate to since almost everybody has felt new at a certain stretch or another, especially in one’s youth. What teenager hasn’t longed to be the Commentator Assembly President, the quarterback of the football team, the captain of the cheerleading squad, the simple-A scholar, the popular, gorgeous or abundant kid as the case may be, instead of the middling nerd, the undesirable, the social reject we’ve sometimes felt we were? But for Burton that isn’t enough. He also piles on layers of slight, superficial irony. He pokes fun at mid-class suburban living (rows and rows of ticky-tacky speck pastel-colored track houses; backyard barbecues; dust covers on the shit, etc.), middle-class values, ashamed-town hypocrisy, small-mindedness, gossiping, and backbiting.
Burton has a sufficient central assert working here, but he not till hell freezes over in actuality grabs us when we have so many distracting peripheral issues to contend with. Burton and scriptwriter Caroline Thompson are so bothered with scoring metaphoric points, they often forget to connect emotionally to their audience.
Worse calm, in their overzealous attempts at lampooning, Burton and Thompson throw Edward in among people who are fifty-fifty more uncommon than he is. I employing, no one in this picture is run-of-the-mill: The Avon lady is well-meaning but dim-witted. The whisper suppress is properly untouched. The daughter is hostile. The son is a jerk. The boyfriend is Jack the Ripper. The neighbors are from suffering. They make Edward and his mad creator seem positively benign, which is, of progression, some of the filmmakers’ rather unsubtle full stop. But since everyone in the movie is a cartoon characterization living in a cartoon existence, there is no whole for the main character to play against. The best dark comedies, “Dr. Strangelove” or “Catch-22,” for case, are helter-skelter normal people doing crazy things. In “Scissorhands,” entirely nutty people are doing entirely absurd things. Our only Dialect expect is to peer at the predictability of the lay down hurry up its course.
During the American Civil War, Lt. John Dunbar (Kevin Costner) is mistakenly dubbed a hero
after a failed suicide attempt inadvertently sees him lead a total of Consortium troops to a
much needed quelling. Granted a posting of his election, Dunbar requests a secluded dispose
on the western frontier, but upon his appearance is shocked to find it abandoned. With his
only companions a curious wolf and his horse, Dunbar without delay finds himself befriending a
near Sioux Indian caste, and drop by drop is accepted as at one of their own. In doing
so he begins to favour the Indian lifestyle - an issue that becomes more and more
apt when American soldiers begin to imperil the Sioux way of compulsion.
Turgid and risible Iciness War drama enlivened only by the excellent aerial footage so beloved of its producer Howard Hughes, who re-like a flash, re-remove and generally tinkered with the film so obsessively that it was finally released some seven years after shooting began. Clearly uninspired by the material, Von Sternberg focused all his acclaim on Leigh, an improbably beautiful Soviet pilot who lands in Alaska to seek political asylum and falls in love with Principal Wayne. But, it transpires, she’s an agent sent to turn a elated-ranking T-Man into an informer, and he returns with her to Russia. Supererogatory to say, she in short order realises that Moscow doesn’t measure up to Palm Springs, but not before some pretty daft stuff involving sensual implication, chauvinistic sentiments, and sheer overt double-cross. For Von Sternberg completists only.
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The three-part anthology film thing rarely works because, almost inevitably, one, two or all of the individual works suffer by comparison.
This collection of “erotic” works by Hong Kong filmmaker Wong Kar Wai, Steven Soderbergh and Michelangelo Antonioni must have sounded like a great idea; after all, these are fine filmmakers. But the result is far less interesting.
The best one comes from Wong, whose “The Hand” is about an apprentice tailor Xiao Zhang (Chang Chen), who becomes erotically obsessed with courtesan Hua Yibao (God’s gift to silkiness, Gong Li), who demands gorgeous costumes for her high-paying clients, but on very loose credit. Zhang’s repressed love for her (which begins with an erotic first meeting) continues over the years despite Hua’s career decline.
Soderbergh’s “Equilibrium,” in which the eccentric Nick Penrose (Robert Downey Jr.) talks to his highly distracted psychiatrist (Alan Arkin) about a disturbing, recurring dream, is visually intriguing, for its black-and-white cinematography. But it’s a little too odd to follow or care about. Still, it’s slightly better than Antonioni’s “The Dangerous Thread of Things,” a surprisingly uninvolving affair about the dead marriage of a middle-age couple (Christopher Buchholz and Regina Nemni) and the other woman (Luisa Ranieri) who comes between them. It doesn’t seem like overstating things to say that “Eros” becomes steadily worse as it goes along.
EROS (Unrated, 104 minutes) — Contains nudity and obscenity. “The Hand” is in Cantonese with subtitles; and “The Dangerous Thread of Things” is in Italian with subtitles. At Landmark’s E Street Cinema.
Uncommonly confessional and perceptive, Andrew Wagner’s enter feature, “The Gift Understood Us,” dives into a murky deep of outrage, despair and long-festering family secrets only to emerge refreshed and renewed. Brutally truthful, diverting and moving in all but equal way, this semi-autobiographical, micro-budget road movie lacks any of the indisputable bells and whistles that even indie features seem to need nowadays in behest to lay in a toehold in the marketplace. But strong pledge-of-sad stemming from fest appearances should help bring around distribs Wagner’s “Talent” (which copped the Huge Jury Prize at Cinevegas) is worth betting on.
Not unlike the collaborations of Spike Jonze and Charlie Kaufman, “The Talent Given Us” is neither total fiction nor total fact, exerting an intrinsically voyeuristic is-it-or-isn’t-it pull as it goes.
When elderly retirees Allen and Judy Wagner (the director’s real-life parents, playing versions of themselves, like everyone else in the film) decide it’s been too long since they’ve seen their L.A.-based screenwriter son, Andrew, they impulsively hit the road, setting out from Manhattan in an SUV, with their two grown daughters (Maggie and Emily Wagner) in tow.
Quickly, the journey evolves into a form of family counseling — docile Maggie and brash, body-obsessed Emily dredging up buried childhood traumas, while Judy comes to speak openly about the rigors of maintaining a marriage. Passing through Iowa, they stop to pick up family friend Bumby (Judy Dixon), who’s just been fired from her job as a unit publicist on the movie “Field of Dreams 2.”
“The Talent Given Us” draws on the notion that a forced reunion like the one depicted here might heal old wounds and allow everybody to live happily ever after. The strength of Wagner’s film is that it at once acknowledges the universal appeal of the idea while refusing to buy into it. So, as it road-trips along, with the requisite stops at roadside motels and diners, “Talent” becomes less about its characters attaining some mythical closure than about people realizing the destructive ways they obsess over unattainable ideals of perfection.
There’s a refreshing frankness and lack of sensationalism in the pic, particularly concerning sexual relations between older folks. Wagner’s parents are in their 70s, and their bodies have seen better days, but they do not envision themselves as significantly different people than they were when they were healthier and younger; neither, as he turns his camera upon them, does Wagner.
While Dixon and Wagner’s sisters are professional actors, his parents are not. Yet, they more than hold their own in their screen debuts, never seeming intimidated by pic’s improvisational structure or by the emotionally sensitive nature of certain scenes. Allen Wagner, in particular, commands the film with his hulking physicality and gruff, sandpapery voice, sharing one marvelous scene with Dixon that should rank among the screen’s tenderest, most knowing depictions of near-adultery.
Wagner’s handheld shooting is fleet and sure-footed throughout, making good use of pic’s real locations and in no way seeming hampered by minimal production values. Likewise, Terri Breed’s editing keeps things apace.
Blake Morrell